September, 12th

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Breathe ! Fight, fight, FIGHT !

I’m with you, I’m clinging to your bed, I’m nothing more than the rhythm of the machines watching over you. I dare not touch you anymore.. Do you feel my presence?

My short breath is hung up to your lips.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Your parents are coming to you, your dear parents I have never met, with your brother Guillaume, and maybe your sister Hannah. I don’t know who informed them. You must stay here, you must stay alive until they arrive. Then, I will leave you. I have nothing to do in this hospital room where you ended up. Don’t give up, wait a little. It is not time yet.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Do you hear my voice in a whisper? I am whispering in your ears. Breathe, fight.

I always knew you would have left me one day, but not this way. Not in this white bed, not with your eyes closed, your body broken, your hands opened, loosened, in the hostile vapours of disinfectant, in this smell of death and hanging life.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

The ones you love are on the way, they will come to you, wrapping you up in their tenderness, warming you up, healing you- If it’s possible. They will see the doctors and listen to their prognosis. I am attached to your faint breath, your dry lips, and your hardly moving chest.

Don’t give up. Stay with me.- A bit more. - Few hours, few days. Give us time to complete to end this,. Don’t pass your way. I can’t leave your bedside and let you alone.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Don’t let me go, fight, breathe, breathe, breathe.

You have dropped my hands. Am I strong enough to restore you in health? Do I carry enough life to bring you back to us? The ones who love you are on their way to you. Please wait.

Breathe, fight !

Time goes by, drop by drop, in your perfusion. I don’t notice the minutes, the hours passing. The light of the dawntells me it’s wee hours .I have been standing at your bedside for hours and hours. I am living in the rhythm of your weak breath.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Is it painful? Are you suffering from your broken body?

More than ever, you’re far away from me - withdrawn from the world, absent. I will have to get used to your absence. Your living absence, like the ghost of me I left behind. Not a shadow from the past, a grave. Stay alive, so that I don’t feel guilty; stay alive so we can exchange the words, which would end a beautiful story. Stay alive to put an end to our love. Stay alive to say you don’t love me anymore, to doubt you have ever loved me, stay alive to say hard sentences. 

Don’t leave me this way. Not in the hubbub of the hospital, not in the frenzy of these people who are almost dying, people who will never come back. Don’t leave me, don’t give up.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

I need your low voice, I need your open eyes and becoming flint to slice through us what was our love  I will be your victim, I will be your sacrifice, I will cry, I will moan. It won’t end that way. Your face will be closing up and I will go to hell, your mouth alive will be giving the end of us,the end of what has made us so happy, freewheeling, in love.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Stay with the living, with the tormenters. I will hate you, I will still love you.

The ones who love you are running to you. Hold on a bit more, my pain can wait.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.